Group Leader: Welcome back, everyone, and welcome to our new members, D and E.
You: What about the credo?
GL: *groans* Do we have to recite it every time?
ALL: *boggle*
GL: Fine. All together now.
ALL: *droning together* Wait ’til the commercial.
GL: Everybody happy now? Good. Then I’d like to introduce D and E.
You: We have got to come up with a better name system.
GL: No names!
C: *cringes*
You: *rolls eyes*
D: *raises hand* Is it my turn yet?
GL: Absolutely. Please introduce yourself — no names! — and tell us a little about your addiction.
E: *raises hand* Can I interrupt?
GL: Since you already have….
E: Great. I have no idea what I’m doing here. This is the most pointless use for therapy I’ve ever heard of. Who on Earth is addicted to TV-on-DVD?
GL: Ah. I see you haven’t yet committed to treatment. We’ll work on that, E. Let’s let D have a turn, shall we?
E: *facepalms*
D: Um…yeah. My name is–
GL: No names!
D: *boggles* I was gonna say D.
GL: …Oh.
E: *sinks down in chair*
D: Anyway, I’m D, and I’m an addict. My shows of choice are House, MD and Law & Order, but I’ve been known to dabble in CSI and NYPD Blue, too. I…I see them on the shelf…and they just look so…so mysterious…so fascinating….
E: Okay, I can see why he’s here, but why am I? I don’t even watch TV!
GL: Oh, come on. Everyone watches the news, at least. Tell me you don’t flip on the weather report before going to work in the morning.
E: I don’t. I guess I watch football, but that’s not TV-on-DVD, and if I miss a game…oh, well.
GL: *shakes head sadly* Denial.
D, C, and You: *shake heads sadly* Denial.
E: *glares*
C: You know, televisions are engineered to emit subphonic signals that urge you to drink beer.
ALL: *boggle*
C: I read it. In a magazine.
D: A tabloid, maybe?
C: …What’s a tabloid?
D: Never mind.
GL: Let’s try to keep things on track. Tell me, E, what the last DVD you bought was.
E: Well, I do like movies, so I buy a lot of DVDs.
GL: HA!
E: But they’re movies, not TV series slapped down in a row.
GL: Humor me.
E: *rolls eyes* Fine. Um…The Forbidden Kingdom.
D: Ah. Kung fu. Good stuff.
E: You ain’t kidding. And before that…probably the Die Hard movies.
C: Bruce Willis is a god.
E: And here I thought you were paranoid.
C: …What’s paranoid?
GL: Oi. Maybe we should reconvene next week? This is going nowhere.
E: Do I have to be here?
GL: Yes.
E: Then what do I care? Now or then, the pain remains the same.
You: Can I say something?
GL: *blinks* Of course, You. I forgot you were here.
C: Did you forget I was here?
D: Do we have an I? I didn’t think we were that far down the alphabet.
ALL: *boggle*
You: Never mind. I don’t have anything to contribute. I’ll just…be quiet now.
GL: Okaaaaay. Then…see you next week?
E: If someone puts a gun to my head.
GL: *glares*
You: I’ll be here. I just bought the latest season of The Closer. I just couldn’t help myself.
D: I guess.
C: The TV says I should stop coming to group…but I kinda like it here. I feel safe here.
GL: Well, that’s…good…then. Until next week.
