GL: Good news, group. We have yet another new member.
E: Run! For the love of God and your very soul, RUN!
GL: *thwaps E*
You: Welcome to the group. What are we calling you?
GL: Group, please welcome Me.
C: …I’m confused.
D: I hate to agree with C, but…me, too. Why are we welcoming you to the group?
You: I’ve already been welcomed. Heck, I was a charter member.
Me: Is it my turn yet?
E: …Even I’m confused.
GL: Not me, people. Me.
ALL: *blink*
GL: *sighs* Me, why don’t you introduce yourself.
You: It’s not my turn yet.
GL: *boggles*
Me: *boggles*
C: *whimpers*
D and E: *boggle*
Me: …Is it my turn yet?
C: I…don’t…KNOW!
GL: Oi. We gotta get a better HIPAA system.
Me: Okay, then. Um…hello. My name is–
GL: Shhht! No names!
Me: *boggles*
You: It’s a HIPAA thing. At least we get You and Me instead of a letter.
E: *glares*
Me: Um…okaaaay…so, I’m Me. And I’m a recent addict, thanks to You.
GL: *eyes us* You two know each other?
You: Are you talking to me?
GL: No, I’m talking to you.
You: Me?
GL: No! You!
Me: I think he means you, You.
You: Oh. Kay. Um.
E: This is ridiculous.
D: We need a just.
C: Why?
D: So we can sit him between those two.
E: *glares* Not. Funny.
C: I don’t get it.
Me: *rolls eyes* Just between You and Me.
C: …I don’t get it.
D: Never mind.
GL: Please, people. Let’s try to get back on track. Me, tell us your story.
Me: I was more of a user than an addict until just recently. You got me started–
D: I did not.
Me: What?
D: You were looking at me. I didn’t get you started on ANYTHING.
You: *facepalm*
GL: *facepalm*
E: Can I die now? I mean, seriously. I think I’ve seen everything.
GL: Me, please continue.
E: Even the group leader is talking to himself. This place drives people crazy.
Me: Okay. Um. So anyway, I was content just to borrow stuff from You…*waits for someone to comment*…because I’m really not much for TV, anyway.
C: Blasphemy!
GL: Go on.
Me: I mean, the only TV program I’d bought on DVD was Firefly–
E: Now that is a good show.
GL: Ha! See, you DO have a problem!
You: I admit that freely.
GL: Not you. E.
Me: Me?
GL: No, E.
Me: *boggles*
GL: Never mind. Go on.
C: Do you catch yourself wanting a Big Mac when you watch TV-on-DVD?
Me: Do you?
C: *wibbles* Sometimes.
D: …I’m not sure I can argue with that. Sometimes…I do want a Big Mac.
E: I. Am. In. HELL.
C: The people watch you while you’re watching them. The television is a two-way street.
Me: *leans over to You* Is he all there?
You: None of us are.
GL: People!
C: Purple!
All: *boggle*
C: I thought we were playing word association. I’m actually good at that game.
Me: Can I be done? I’m…kinda weirded out now.
E: Welcome to the group. You are now officially one of us.
You: I already was.
E: Not You. Her.
D: Is that another new member? Geez, I seriously can’t keep up.
GL: I…think that’s enough for today. Even I’m confused, and I know your real identities.
C: Ooooh…I like that. It makes us…like…superheroes. And only one person knows who we really are, and that guy’s our nemesis.
E: Oh. My. God.
D: So…does that mean that GL is actually our enemy?
E: Enemaaaa, people.
C: …I’m confused.
Me: *tries to hide a snicker…fails miserably*
E: We’re gonna get alone just fine.
You: Is it just me, or do we not really do anything productive in these meetings? I mean, I’m here for help with my TV-on-DVD addiction, not to throw around crack-pot theories and whine a lot.
E: It’s not whining when it’s done with style.
GL: Actually, I’m glad you brought that up, You. *blinks* Wow. That’s…rather redundant.
You: *facepalms*
Me: *facepalms*
E: *witholds facepalm for a better opportunity*
GL: Anyway…I think You has a point.
D: Baaaaad grammar.
GL: We need to stay a little more on track in these meetings from now on. Same time next week?
You: Wait!
All: *freeze on the way to the door*
GL: What?
C: Whale! Wicca! Wichita! Waukegan!
D: Wow. You really are good at that game.
E: *grumbles* Except we’re not playing.
You: We never said the pledge.
Me: Wow, you guys do the Pledge of Allegiance? That’s kinda cool, actually. Haven’t said it since I was a kid.
You: No, the group pledge.
GL: Oh, come on. Even I don’t care if we say it or not.
You: It’s a valuable part of our therapy! You said so at the first meeting! I’m here for therapy, darn it, and I’m not leaving until I get it!
Me: Wow, You. I’ve never seen this side of you before.
C: Try standing over here. It’s the Other Side.
Me: *boggles*
GL: Meeting adjourned. Seriously. Get out of here until next week.
