Meeting 8:

GL:   *scowls*   You people have been avoiding me.

E:  *yawns*  That’s because you admitted last time that we’re all guinea pigs for your stupid thesis.

GL:  I said no such thing!

E:  But you let it slip.

GL:  …Not the same thing.

Me:  Can we get this thing going? I have stuff to do tonight.

You:  Me, too.

C:  *whimpers* I’m already confused.

D:  I’m starting to buy into the whole cellophane conspiracy thing.

GL:  Excellent. Let’s start with that. Tell us more, D.

D:  Well, I bought Prison Break: Season One, and it took me almost the whole first episode just to get the plastic off.

C:  How did you watch the first episode if the plastic was still on?

D:  No, I mean–

Me:  And why didn’t you just use a pocket knife?

GL:  Hey, no weapons are allowed in this room.

E:  Afraid someone will use one on you?

GL:  *scowl*  You are about one step away from forced graduation, buddy.

You:  I am?  *glows*  I didn’t even know I was making progress!

GL:  Not you. Him.

C:  Him, huh? Another new member? I still haven’t met It, She, or I. Good grief. Am I missing meetings or something?

GL:  NO YOU ARE NOT!  *gets ahold of self*  Please, people. Let’s stick to the ground rules.

E:  We have ground rules? I’d like to see them.

Me:  Actually, I would, too.

GL:  Well, you can’t. Tough. D?

E:  *raises hand* Question: you said something about gradua–

D:  Anyway, when I got the plastic off, there was this little plastic thingy stuck to it. At first, I thought it was the anti-theft thing, but I found another one inside the box. So I got to thinking that maybe C is right, and that outer plastic thingy is beaming my frustration level back to the Easy Bake.

C:  *is teary-eyed*  You actually listened to me?

Me:  Why wouldn’t he? Unlike you, I usually make sense.

You:  Hey! I’m sitting right here!

Me:  Not you. Him.

C:  Who’s Him??

GL:  *facepalms*  You people are all hopeless! At this rate, I will NEVER get my Master’s!!

E:  HA! I knew it! You ARE just milking us for your stupid paper!

GL:  Group is OVER! FOREVER!

E:  Sweet!  *runs from the room*

Me:  Hey, You. Need a ride?

You:  I could use one, what with gas being so–

E:  *walks back in, hands in pockets*

GL:  HA! I knew you needed this program! Oh, sweet justification! Are you finally ready to admit your addiction and commit to treatment?

E:  *blinks*  Um, no. My ride won’t be back for another good 45 minutes.

GL:   GAH! EVERYBODY OUT!

All:  *run for cover*

C:  *gasping*  Where’s a little plastic beamy thing when you need it? I bet they’d be getting REAMS of data off THAT guy.

Meeting 7:

GL: Well, I see we all showed up after the long vacation. How did everyone’s holiday go?

E: I didn’t even watch TV the whole time. Why am I here?

Me: I watched football. Does that count?

GL: Was it football on DVD?

Me: O.o

GL: Then no.

You: *raises hand*

GL: Yes, You?

You: Um…I really really wanted to buy some new TV-on-DVD this weekend, but I didn’t.

GL: *sits forward* That’s excellent! Real progress! My thesis is secure!

E: *zeroes in* Your WHAT??

GL: Ahem. I mean…go on, You.

E: *glares*

Me: *glares*

C: *doesn’t notice*

You: I hate to disappoint, GL, but it wasn’t progress so much as…um…lack of funds.

GL: *blinks* Don’t follow.

D: She’s broke.

C: Do we have a new member?

All: *blink*

C: Who is She?

D: She’s You. Where have you been?

C: You’s right there. Who is She?

D: O.o

Me: O.o

E: *facepalms repeatedly*

GL: *blinks* Oooookaaaaay. You were saying?

C: I was saying that–

You: I was saying that it’s not progress from the group. I simply couldn’t afford to buy any more TV-on-DVD. I’m broke.

C: I still haven’t met I. Is She I?

E: *groans and curls into fetal position*

Me: C, there’s no “she”. It’s just a pronoun.

C: *looks terribly thoughtful* So we have THREE members I haven’t met. It, She, and I. Am I sleeping through these meetings, or what??

E: *sucks thumb*

GL: …

All: …

C: O.o

GL: …Well, I think this has been an extremely helpful session. We have measurable progress with one member–

You: *raises hand* Actually, I tried to tell you–

GL: –and everyone else has that lovely glazed over look that means you’re absorbing a large chunk of useful information–

Me: *snorts* Or a large chunk of bullshi–

GL: –so I think this is a great time to stop for the week. See you all again next session.

Me: Someone want to help me get E into his car? He’s…a little…broken.